I had a very odd, and bad habit of hooking up with girls in the weeks that led up to Valentine's Day. Not because I was a romantic sap, but more because I was a dumb high school dude, that couldn't really think beyond the calender square I currently occupied. Knowing that I would never escape my boyfriend obligations of boxed chocolates, and teddy bears I grudgingly gave into the ceremony of it all. What I wouldn't give to go back in time, and smack myself upside the head. Advising cold showers for the next weeks until February 14th was safely passed. Here is what I discovered through my mistakes: what was at first an cautious peek into the realm of committed dating suddenly was blown up into a full on committed relationship. We can laugh at it on one hand, but don't underestimate the significance of 4 bucks worth of carnations, and some candy can have on a relationship.
In hindsight I often wondered what would have happened if I had waited until March, and just tried to get to know the girl I was into better in the interim. Would we ever have dated, or would she have looked at the trench-coat (yeah...I was that kid), heard The Smashing Pumpkins, and walked away knowing that we really didn't have much in common at all? Maybe. I know how it did end, about four years later after a very awkward day in Berkeley California, when we sat down and watched “The Life Aquatic”. Something snapped in our minds and we realized that we couldn't get things to work out, because there was nothing to work with. Let me tell you, it was flippin painful. The memory of that night sullied that movie for years. So how did things get so bad that I was unable to enjoy a solid Bill Murray performance?
What happened at that moment can best be defined as emotional synergism. Feb. 14th blew up like a spark landing in gasoline. The shot heard around the world if you will..... KA-FREAKIN-BOOM - an ill-conceived high school dating relationship messed us both up for years. Here's why. Each of us, in our own way, had an image of relationships being all about hand-holding, snuggling, and making out. We pretty much used each other to feel good about ourselves. And, because neither of us knew what we were looking for in a relationship it was all about “that other person digging me”. That mutual attraction seemed good enough. Long story short, we did find some common grounds, we both knew it wasn't going to work out, and now we're both happily married.....to other people.
I'm writing this to tell you to be cool, like the Fonz this Valentine's Day. Take a breather and get to know the people you're hot for before diving headlong into a relationship...or into the sack, and then into a relationship (which was more my style back in the day). I'm going to opt for the “advise-focused” ending rather than the “cheesy-metaphor” conclusion.
Dudes: If you're into somebody, this is your chance. Your chance to buy them dinner, see a movie, and respectfully walk them to their front door and leave after the night is through. Again...Be Cool!!! Mind you...a date is not hanging out in your dorm watching a movie, it's an event that requires you to wear something classier than yesterday's sweatpants, and to go somewhere with real plates where the food costs money. Open her doors for her, and pay the freaking bill.
Ladies:As a dude I can say that subtlety is not our strong point so saying “no” to us is kind of like talking to a 5 year old. Hinting ain't gonna do it. But, though stupid at times...we are sensitive. If a guy you don't like asks you out, it isn't creepy. It ought to be flattering, be clear but gentle and let the dude down easy.
Happy Valentine's Day...Be cool.
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